Hello all,
Welcome back to another Faithful Friday. With Valentine's Day coming up this weekend I thought it might be a good time to share my advice on love. For those of you that don't know, Mr. Adela Told Me and I have been together for quite some time. He has been a first hand witness to the changes I have been through over these past "X" amount of years. During our relationship we have both grown and have learned a lot about not only each other but ourselves as well. I thought I might share some relationship goals we strive for that have helped us get through tough times. Hopefully they will help some of you or make you start thinking of ways you can nurture your own relationship.
Please keep in mind that I am no Dr. Drew or Dr. Phil and I realize that some relationships are not going to work out. I do however believe that if two people are committed to each other then they will do what it takes to make the relationship work.
Here we go...
1. Listen with an open heart and open ears. Don't try to see down the road. Be present in that moment and hear what your husband, boyfriend, baby daddy (You liked that one didn't you?) has to say.
2. Don't let pride get in the way. If you are talking to someone that you love wholeheartedly then you should not be afraid to be wrong.
3. Enter into every discussion over a difference of opinion with the sole purpose of being correct, not "Right". This is one of the rare occasions where you have nothing to win (if you are sharing your thoughts, feelings, fears, wants, etc. with someone you love then you have already won), but everything to loose.
4. Do not yell and never make light of what the other has to share, no matter how ridiculous you may think it is, it is important to them and therefore important to you.
5. Do your best to deserve your partner every day. Just because you have been together for a few years or maybe longer, doesn't mean that you can just stop trying. Be sure to let them know how much you love and appreciate them and try to do so in a way that works for them.
6. Keep your relationship sacred. Meaning you don't always talk bad about your partner to others. There is a clear difference in sharing your frustrations and talking poorly about them. Keep in mind that there are two sides to every story and no matter how out of line you might feel your partner was you have to admit that your side of the story might be a wee bit partial to make you seem like more of the victim. You don't need to spread your drama to everyone. So in short, keep your mouth shut unless you need advice and when seeking advice only ask for it from a trust worthy, loyal, and impartial friend.
7. Make each other a priority. Self explanatory, right?
8. Go on dates. It doesn't have to be some fancy date. We go on hikes, to the beach, or long walks and it is wonderful! We get outdoors, we get exercise, and we talk the whole time. It's a great time to bring yourselves back to the core of your relationship...the two of you.
9. Write little notes to each other. This was something my mom started with me when I was little and as far as I remember it, she kept doing it into high school. She would always include a little hand written note in my lunches. "I love you". "Have a good day". They were always short and sweet but they were enough to remind me of her love for me. Now that I am an adult and my mom no longer packs my lunch (bummer!) I have carried that tradition on to Mr. Adela Told Me. We leave each other random notes that usually include some kind of inside joke (we are big time jokesters) and we love them!
10. Don't go to bed angry. As cliche as this is, it's true, people! If you go to bed angry, you sleep like poo, you wake up upset, and then you can't focus at work, then you end up carrying on the fight longer than necessary. So address the issue and resolve it before you go to bed that night.
11. ALWAYS SUPPORT EACH OTHER. I cannot stress enough how important it is and how wonderful it feels to know that no matter what you have someone in your corner. Not all of us show or recognize support in the same way. Learn how it is that your partner receive support and make that a priority.
Another thing I want to mention is that we read the love languages book a few years back and that really helped to give us a better insight into how to express love to one another. For instance, some people like it when you show them love by doing things for them. Others might want you to tell them that you love them and so on. I suggest reading that book wether or not you are in a relationship to get an idea of what your love language is.
The bottom line is- relationships take work. There will be good times and there will be bad times. But if you stay committed and give it your all it will pay off in the long run and you will have a healthy and fulfilling relationship to show for it. I hope you all enjoyed this post. If you have any advice you'd like to share, please do!
I hope you all have a Happy Valentine's Day! See you back on Monday.
Until next time...
Xoxo,
Adela
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